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Friday 7 July 2017

Why does life hurt?

When does it all begin to make sense? Should you even have a right to know. Death is such a heartless fucker.... everywhere around us there is hurt that's deliberate... hurt that's meant to cause the most pain to someone and yet it's the kind and wonderful that gets sick and spent time fighting for their health. It's the kind and wonderful that die and those left behind are bewildered and left crying to understand.
Today 3 deaths struck me hard.
The loveliest, smallest, cutest, strongest little boy lost his battle with Cancer. A little boy with cancer.. what the actual fuck is wrong with a world that witnesses a beautiful child teach us about strength. Bradley Lowery left this world today with a strength not given to most of us... with a wisdom we could learn from and his family are left to mourn his beauty while we shake our heads because he shouldn't have been sick. An innocent child carrying the weight of such illness that most of us would fall apart carrying to bear.
In another country a mother slipped her hand into her sons without even realising she was doing it. She's clearly broken. I was broken just watching her. Her husband was 2 foot away from her in a coffin... her husband... his father. Two weeks ago exactly after they had sat in the same church on the same seat with another son 2 foot away from them in a coffin....
Two weeks ago that mother sat with one hand in her sons and the other in her husbands mourning a son who died too young... two weeks later she's there again because his fathers heart has broken so deeply it couldn't continue. So it stops...... cruelly it stops without warning and today he sleeps eternally with the son he buried two weeks ago.
I'll be honest it fucked with me. I wanted to visit Mam and tell her about it and tell Dad hold tighter to her but I couldn't do it alone so I waited until Matt was home and brought him with me. I wanted to text everyone I knew and just check in with them and tell them randomly "Hi" for no reason other than I'm still alive to do it. I guess we need anothers strength sometimes...

Why? Why are we here.. are we meant to love so deep or do we do it because we need to be loved? Are we meant to feel this level of pain when another hurts? Are we supposed to understand how bastards can abuse and maim and kill while the beautiful and kind suffer and die.
Where is God when we need answers to the fucked up world we've had to adjust to...?
Where is tomorrow for the people who died today?

#rip Bradley Lowery
Andrew Duggan
Tommy Duggan
And all those who have passed away from us 💔

Valerie Masters

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