The sound of safe

I had a fight with Mammy last night. I went out when she warned me not to and I didn't wear a jacket after she always tells me to, and now I'm sick and she said she has no sympathy for me because I never learn to do what I'm told. And now I'm crying because I'm cold and I'm hungry too but I darent go down to the kitchen to ask for something to eat in case her sympathy never returns. I'd rather be hungry than see her disappointed face....

Except that was a dream and Mammy is gone and I'm cold because I woke up lonely for her and Daddy and it's dark except for a chink of light through a crack in the curtain and the world is gone to hell and I'm wondering what they would make of it all. As a child I'd lie awake and catch a little of their whispers floating through the house and I'd be falling out of the bed trying to hear them.  And sometimes I'd hear them having a moan about the many children they have that never do a thing they're told and sometimes I'd hear laughter about something I didn't understand. But always I'd hear safe. 

Safe... that's a sound you know. If you listen real carefully you can hear it dance with the silence. I loved the sound of safe as a child. Looking back my biggest problem in life was never doing a thing I was told, and the consequences of that were soft, except Mammy had a disappointed look I'd have to wear and Daddy had a certain voice he'd use when you disappointed Mammy. 

They had many of their own pandemics. With eight children everyday was a new challenge I reckon, a new battle, a war to protect us from seeing.

And we were protected from it. From all the trails they went through we were tucked up in bed before they got the chance to draw breath and decide their next move, because we could hear safe dancing with the silence

Today though safe is lost somewhere in the wilderness of covid. In the crazy of what's upon us, we cant hear safe with the loud torture of the world suffering.

And yet we still wont do as we're told. We blame everyone and yet we choose to ignore the fact that we simply won't do as we are told.

Mammy and Daddy are sitting in the kitchen shaking their heads. There are many Mammys and Daddys there too, huddled around, a whispered howl fills the room, the sound of silence drowned out by their pain of knowing that they can do nothing to help. Nothing to guide us and nothing to allow us to hear safe again

I miss it, the sound of safe 

I miss it, the disappointed face of Mammy sending me to bed hiding a little smile knowing I'll be safe there and when I open my eyes tomorrow she'll be showing me that amazing smile and all would be right with the world until I once again fail to do what I'm told.

I close my eyes and the chink of light fades and I let a soft prayer fall into the silence that maybe tomorrow, a new day will begin and we will wake up and do as we are told

Valerie Masters