Funny the memories that hit when you're trying not to remember memories.
I'm 17 and pregnant and I'm sitting across from her and I'm crying inside because I don't know what else to do, how do you find words when words are rendered useless so I say nothing and wish I could just speak....
She held me when I cried because the knots in my hair proved too much to handle and she would never put the hairbrush over my arse. She held me when I was heading to the hospital to give birth and I was so scared, so terrified I longed to tell her to not let go because if she let go then I have to go and be a mother and what if I fail at that....
Funny the memories that hurt when you're trying not to hurt
I'm 8 and I'm going on my first sleepover and I'm stupidly excited and she stops me and tells me I can't go because creatures are in my hair and headlice have become an excuse for her spoiling my fun and my life. I'm 8 and my life is over.
Funny the memories that remind me my life was only starting and I was 8 and unaware of making memories to keep
I'm 43 and I'm lying beside her and taking stupid selfies and I send my kids a snapchat of us and she begins to laugh so hard as us laughing, and she asks to see the pic again and I explain that I can't show her because snapchat is just a moment and we can't get that moment back.
She wasn't impressed at my answer but she smiled and decided I could be forgiven anything because that's what made her amazing
Funny the memories that I pray I'll always be able to remember
I'm 11 and war has broken out coz I spied on my sisters and they caught me and god help me now I'm running coz these girls are crazy mad and its not my fault even though its my fault and looking over my shoulder I can see her wringing her hands in her apron and wondering if today is the day one of her children kills another of her children.
Speaking of killing......
Funny the moments I'd kill to have again for just one moment
Funny the moments I'd kill to have again for just one moment
I'm 13 and womanhood has arrived but there's no one here so I think I'm dying, bleeding to death at a tender age but when she discovers this in a random conversation 20 years later she laughs enough to let drive tears down her face.
She cried at everything.
Literally!!
She cried from pain, from joy, she cried at the happiest of moments and the saddest. She was the only one I ever knew who shed tears as though it was ok to wear emotion proudly.
She was right. It is ok...
It's what she taught her daughters. And today those daughters are my sisters
She introduced me to women without me realising that women would become my heros. She gave me sisters to love me,
And when i got a little older she gave me the country shop women, the flynns bakery women, the mart women, the women who were our neighbours. She strategically placed me in the company of women knowing that I'd learn life skills from women who would forever mother me
I'm almost 52 now and in the dark depths of night I want her, her scent, her laugh, her sigh when I mess up
I want it all so badly, so desperately but I'm lucky that the desperation only arrives for a short time. the pain is immense, but her love holds me tight and the memories make me smile and grateful for her, and women she surrounded me with....
Mammy loved me, at times probably wanted to strangle me, many times probably cried over me, and then she loved me all over again.
She taught me life, truth, heartache, disappointment and love.
She taught me to fight for dreams, to cry when others hurt, to realise that I can be myself and that it's ok if being myself isn't enough for everyone, as long as I'm enough for me....
She taught me to fight for dreams, to cry when others hurt, to realise that I can be myself and that it's ok if being myself isn't enough for everyone, as long as I'm enough for me....
She is fricking amazing, always was and always will be....
Tonight I really really want her to hold me....
She is my Mother.
Happy International Womans day and Happy Mothers Day Mam
Valerie Masters
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